he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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