you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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