im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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