well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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