I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize