it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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