I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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