Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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