please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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