What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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