there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
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He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
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sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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