I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
A+ Viking dick
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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