then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize