I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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