walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize