How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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