remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My feet surprised me
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