Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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