You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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