i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize