Kiss
Puke
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize