Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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