Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you made out with another girl for some wings
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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