I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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