Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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