The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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