just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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