ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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