I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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