One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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