Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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