Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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