i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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