We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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