Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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