"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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