So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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