I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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