is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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