Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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