remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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