Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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