Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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