I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
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I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
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I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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