do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize