Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
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Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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