you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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