We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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