Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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