It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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