rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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